Tuesday, Mar. 08, 2005 - 3:40 a.m.

I admit it, I purely haven't felt like writing in my diary. It's not for lack of things to say, I just haven't felt like writing. But today I promised a friend I would, plus I feel I need to get some things in before I forget them.

Yesterday/Monday was so, so strange. I slept really late, and I should have started getting ready for work about 15 minutes earlier than I did. Instead I played online games. Maybe I need a vacation worse than I realize.

Anyway, I got out the door in time that I would've been able to just slide in under the wire of the time I *thought* I was supposed to be there. My usual route has a patch that's very torn up from construction, so I turned off to take another way I knew - or so I thought. The roads here are so fucked up, there's no system to their names. Even though I turned from the same street onto a cross-street that ran in the same direction as one about 2 blocks further on (a good opening to turn came at the first one, and I took it), the next road I wanted to turn on to finish my way to work didn't intersect with that one. I found myself back just a few blocks from where I live. I had to kind-of feel my way to work, until I found a familiar road and then went on. By this time, I was 12 minutes late.

As I walked up to my area of the office, one of my brilliant coworkers who has a penchant for saying the wrong thing blares out, "And who was it who said she'd never show her face here again??" Thanks a whole damn lot, Bill. I wanted to strangle him. Mike, my boss, came over and asked me did I know I was to do newsmakers. I said yes. He said that shift started a half hour earlier. So instead of 12 minutes late, I'm now 42 minutes late. AUGH. But it gets worse.

When I went in to the system to do newsmakers, I found it had already been done. At first I was thanking my coworker, then he said he thought he was the one who was *supposed* to do it. He looked on the schedule posted outside the boss' office and said yeah, it had him as newsmakers. I was looking at the schedule at my desk, which had me. Then I went to the board and looked at the one he read, and sure enough, the schedule had been changed. Some people knew, most of us, including Boss Mike, didn't. On the newer schedule, I was supposed to have been in 3 hours earlier for a community shift. Once again, the scheduler, the same one who said he didn't remember telling me I could be in at 4 then was mad when I didn't get there at 2 one day, had fucked up. He changed the shedule and didn't hand out the new version or announce it or anything. (Oh, and the newer one is wrong, too.)

I was so mad, I could not stop the words coming out of my mouth. I don't know who all heard, and I do not really care. I complained about getting jerked around. I fussed about the stupid streets in this town. I said the scheduler has some major problems and needs to be in therapy or on medication or something. And I said I'd had my fill of the bullshit at that place. Then I settled in and did a good night's work - both in community and daily news sections.

One thing is crystal clear - if I hope to get a life and maintain some degree of sanity, I have to get a different job. I wanted out of newspapers, but I took this job to get away from where I was to an area I prefer to live in. So now I have to find the job that's right for me, here. I'm advancing in this job; it looks like they like my work very much, but I can't handle being yanked around like that AND be at work when everyone else is playing.

I'm going to set up a search at a couple of job sites and find something as close to perfect as I can hope for. Something with weekends off, even if I work into the evening. Something with a set schedule, so I can plan for things.

This is long, I'm putting other stuff in another entry.
G.A.

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